Wow! This is such a hard story. I am tromping through some parallel stories of my own variation. and I really appreciate you sharing these thoughts as you navigate through.
On Sunday the visiting priest preached on the Transfiguration and then sent our congregation out with a blessing -- "As you go back down into the valley, may you recognize God with you, even there. That is where you are being formed."
Truly. Your thoughts here are gold. we could talk down a long trail on these things that are forming us!! (Also - on Prayer in the Night. which, I believe, is the way. )
I've been joking for the last 18 months that my forthcoming memoir will be titled You Don't Know What You Don't Know. It's a theme for me right now.
I completely relate to feeling shame in the midst of the overwhelm. I've asked a lot of wrong questions but "Why me?" comes up a lot. Maybe the right question is "Where do you see God in the midst of this?" and "How have I grown though this?"
I’m definitely trying to find the right questions to ask and while I can’t say I’m *seeing* God in these places, I don’t feel alone. Sad and scared, but not alone.
Seeing probably isn't the right word... experiencing, feeling :)
Sad and scared but not alone was my general state for almost a year, but slowly, I came out of the fog. Someone asked me how I was this weekend and I said, "Honestly, fantastic." Our rector overheard, did a double take and said, "Your face looks so joyful, I believe you." (I really wasn't being sarcastic!)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts from this hard place, friend. I'm so sorry your going through this. I think I'll share that verse with one of my kids whose struggling with where to place blame right now.
Two notes on books. So funny because I thought the Iron Flame was better than Onyx Storm. Fun to hear how we experienced them differently. And did we talk about Prayer in the Night?! Because I picked it up to reread during Lent and thought of you as I've read the first two chapters. But I don't know that I ever reached out and said that via text.
Wow! This is such a hard story. I am tromping through some parallel stories of my own variation. and I really appreciate you sharing these thoughts as you navigate through.
On Sunday the visiting priest preached on the Transfiguration and then sent our congregation out with a blessing -- "As you go back down into the valley, may you recognize God with you, even there. That is where you are being formed."
Truly. Your thoughts here are gold. we could talk down a long trail on these things that are forming us!! (Also - on Prayer in the Night. which, I believe, is the way. )
Keep on!
That’s a great benediction! Love the assumption that we’ll all be in the valley at some point - because that’s where the gold of wisdom is found.
I've been joking for the last 18 months that my forthcoming memoir will be titled You Don't Know What You Don't Know. It's a theme for me right now.
I completely relate to feeling shame in the midst of the overwhelm. I've asked a lot of wrong questions but "Why me?" comes up a lot. Maybe the right question is "Where do you see God in the midst of this?" and "How have I grown though this?"
I’m definitely trying to find the right questions to ask and while I can’t say I’m *seeing* God in these places, I don’t feel alone. Sad and scared, but not alone.
Seeing probably isn't the right word... experiencing, feeling :)
Sad and scared but not alone was my general state for almost a year, but slowly, I came out of the fog. Someone asked me how I was this weekend and I said, "Honestly, fantastic." Our rector overheard, did a double take and said, "Your face looks so joyful, I believe you." (I really wasn't being sarcastic!)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts from this hard place, friend. I'm so sorry your going through this. I think I'll share that verse with one of my kids whose struggling with where to place blame right now.
Two notes on books. So funny because I thought the Iron Flame was better than Onyx Storm. Fun to hear how we experienced them differently. And did we talk about Prayer in the Night?! Because I picked it up to reread during Lent and thought of you as I've read the first two chapters. But I don't know that I ever reached out and said that via text.
We have not discussed Prayer in the Night! Let’s do so the next time we’re together.