Asking the Wrong Questions
March 5, 2025
When we bought our current home and property ten months ago, we had big plans:
Stage 1: have a garage with apartment built for my mother to use when she visits from Germany
Stage 2: renovate the kitchen (while living in the garage apartment)
Stage 3: have an addition built with a new primary bed and bath, laundry room and screened in porch
Sadly, our county codes department doesn’t seem to like our plans. After having our stage one plans rejected, we decided to make stage three our first priority. We finalized the plans with our architect. We made decisions and signed a contract with our general contractor. We bought tile, picked out flooring and discussed windows. Our contractor began work with two permits issued. And then it all fell apart.
A portion of our property touches a flood plain. We knew this, but our house is not in a flood plain and the addition is behind the house, away from the flood zone. But there’s a code in our county that states that a home near a flood plain must be four feet above the flood elevation. Our home’s main floor is 3.74 feet above the flood plain. 0.26 feet is causing us a lot of stress, heartache and money.
I could go into more details on the things we’ve tried and the things we are trying, but it would increase my blood pressure to recount them… and it would bore you, dear reader. Instead, I’d like to talk a bit about the ways I’m noticing bad theology rear its head during this time of high stress.
Perhaps naturally, I’ve been asking lots of questions about how we got to this place. How could this have been avoided? Were we wrong to buy this property? Was it not God’s will for us to live here? Were our intentions wrong? I find myself sounding like Jesus’s disciples in John 9: who sinned that this happened?!?
Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”
Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over. For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world’s Light.”
John 9:1-5 (MSG)
Jesus, as usual, is right. I am looking for someone to blame. I want to find the cause and effect so I can avoid walking through this uncertain and painful place. Like his disciples, I am asking the wrong questions.
I don’t rationally believe that I’m being punished for my sins by the Metro Nashville codes department. In fact, I’m sure the Holy Spirit is bringing this gospel passage to mind to gently remind me that this line of thinking is a poor one. I believe is that I am loved. I believe God wants what is best for me. I believe we approached the sale of our previous house and the purchase of this one prayerfully. It’s bad theology to think that because I am trying to prayerfully follow Jesus, God will give me wealth, health and happiness. This reeks of the prosperity gospel and I rationally want no part of it.
So why are these the questions that swirl in my mind right now?
A friend who has been in similar circumstances to ours gave me a call last weekend. We talked about how having our home feel unsafe and uncertain hits a very tender place in our souls. When I shared the way bad theology is plaguing my thoughts, he said there’s an acronym for shame that is used in recovery circles:
Should
Have
Already
Managed
Everything
Shame is a powerful force. My mind is quick to tell me I should have foreseen these problems and managed to avoid them. Yet multiple people with more expertise than me didn’t catch this obscure code for those living near flood zones. Our real estate agent, architect and general contractor all thought we would be fine to do the work we planned. I am not all knowing.
I think my questions right now all point back to the issue of control. I want to uncover what I did wrong so that I can have more control and avoid painful circumstances in the future. But I don’t think that’s God’s invitation for me here.
I’ll confess I’m looking high and low for invitations in this deep, dark valley. They are hard to come by. But the homily I heard on Sunday talked in part about God’s ongoing invitation to trust him more and more. Faith is not a one time action. I can have great trust in some areas of my life and cling to control in others. Where am I not fully trusting God right now? If nothing else, I am being invited to trust more deeply as we walk the uncertain road ahead.
I hope you’ve never experienced the exact circumstances I’m facing right now, but we all walk through valleys. What are the wrong questions you’re asking right now? What questions might you be invited to ask instead?
Book Corner:
What I’ve Been Reading Lately
via library loan:
The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley
There was one surprising twist, but the rest was pretty predictable. Still, I liked the setting in a snowstorm in Scotland and the quick pace was a welcome distraction during a hard week of bad news.
Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros
I didn’t know if I would read the third installment in this series after a disappointing second book, but a friend wanted to discuss… so I gave it a try. In my opinion this volume was much better than Iron Flame. If you made it through book 2, book 3 is actually good.
From my home library for Lent:
Prayer in the Night by Tish Harrison Warren
My life is feeling pretty Lent-y already: inviting me to deeper trust and slower going. But the right book can aid that process. Prayer in the Night focuses on Compline, specifically this prayer:
Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love’s sake. Amen.
While I’m not very far into the book, Warren’s words are meeting me where I am and inviting me to stay put, not flee to distraction or numbing.
Do you observe Lent? If so, what practices keep you grounded in the season?
May you ask all the questions this week. Whether they are the right questions or the wrong ones, may they draw you deeper into God’s loving embrace.
Peace & Grace,
Shannon
Wow! This is such a hard story. I am tromping through some parallel stories of my own variation. and I really appreciate you sharing these thoughts as you navigate through.
On Sunday the visiting priest preached on the Transfiguration and then sent our congregation out with a blessing -- "As you go back down into the valley, may you recognize God with you, even there. That is where you are being formed."
Truly. Your thoughts here are gold. we could talk down a long trail on these things that are forming us!! (Also - on Prayer in the Night. which, I believe, is the way. )
Keep on!
I've been joking for the last 18 months that my forthcoming memoir will be titled You Don't Know What You Don't Know. It's a theme for me right now.
I completely relate to feeling shame in the midst of the overwhelm. I've asked a lot of wrong questions but "Why me?" comes up a lot. Maybe the right question is "Where do you see God in the midst of this?" and "How have I grown though this?"