An Empty Nest but a Full Life
Wednesday, September 18, 2024
Weekly, I sit with mothers who are ten to fifteen years behind me in their parenting cycle. Their lives are busy with pickups, drop offs, school lunches, homework and sibling fights. I remember the days when I would calculate that I could have driven to Louisville or Birmingham instead of spending three hours in my car around town. I remember daughters who couldn’t get along, last minute school projects and shopping to feed a family of five. Not so anymore.
Now my home is smaller and simpler. It felt good to right size our house earlier this year. I’m not wasting energy by heating and cooling space we don’t use. I’m able to keep it (relatively) clean on my own. We even manage without a dishwasher and don’t miss it most of the time. Grocery shopping is often done online and requires far fewer purchases.
What are the good things about your stage of life? What are the hard things?
My home is empty, but my calendar is not. Between Sanctuary Invitations and Inflection Point Partners, I have life giving work that takes time, energy and creativity. We host a weekly dinner for the Nashville Jesuit Volunteers, our neighbors and friends. We’re meeting with a small group of people from our parish weekly. Our eldest daughter joins us for dinner weekly. It’s a packed schedule that gives me time with my spouse, my community, my friends, my books — and still leaves time to paddle board, go for a hike or meet someone for coffee.
What fills your calendar right now? What do you long to make space for?
My life did not end when my children left home. In many ways, it began again. Jason and I are both doing new, meaningful work that uses the skills we’ve honed over decades. I’ve spent at least a quarter of a century working on saying what I need to say in the fewest words possible and I’ve gotten reasonably good at doing so. I am thankful for the gift of work that allows me to listen to people and look for how God is moving in their lives.
My life today looks different than I would have imagined ten or fifteen years ago. The secret no one really told me ahead of time is that adult children are wonderful. Their sibling spats are a thing of the past. They spend their free time and money to visit each other. The sister group chat is active. They genuinely enjoy each other and I enjoy them. We’re only all in the same place a few times per year. And there are moments when I ache a bit to see the ones who are far away. But mostly I am happy that they are happy. They are crafting full and fulfilling lives — and so am I.
Are there things you fear about the season you see on the horizon? What’s one way things might turn out differently than you fear?
You don’t have to wait to begin living the life you long for. My life didn’t change magically overnight. I gave time and energy to the things I loved like spiritual direction. I didn’t know that direction would become a vocation. I simply knew it was having a profound impact on my life, so I carved out precious time for it.
What are your deepest desires, big or small? Can you let them into the light in hopes they blossom and grow?
Book Corner:
What I’ve Been Reading Lately
Via Hard Copy
Tattoos on the Heart by Gregory Boyle, SJ
I like having a nonfiction spiritual book on hand when I’m leading spiritual direction. When I’m waiting for someone to arrive, I’ll read a few snippets of this book to keep my heart and mind on Jesus.
Via eBook
The List by Yomi Adegoke
Ola and Michael are engaged to marry until The List comes out. The List is compiled anonymously and accuses many men - including Michael - of sexual harassment, rape and more. Michael has something to hide, but he’s innocent of the charges on The List. This book made me wonder about the responsibilities of “good men,” the silence of women and how to separate the truth from lies. It’s not a light read, but it’s well-written and engaging — worth reading when you’re ready to mentally tackle some tough subjects.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid
This was an easy read for a travel day, but my feelings for the main characters were lukewarm. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was certainly not on the same level as Daisy Jones and the Six, but it kept me company for the day. Sometimes that’s enough.
Lucy by the Sea by Elizabeth Strout
This book is set in the early days of the pandemic when Lucy Barton and the rest of the world don’t quite know what’s happening or what’s coming. That’s not an easy time to go back to, but if there’s anyone who can make me want to, it’s Lucy by way of Elizabeth. Strout’s writing is some of my favorite out there.
May there be time and space this week for you to plant seeds that future you will appreciate.
Peace and Grace,
Shannon
Oh how I so relate to your sentiments here Shannon. I appreciate your perspective and the hopefulness I feel as I ponder this season of emptiness and fullness. Thank you. 😊