I’m taking a short pause on my series on my Rule of Life this week. I leave in less than twenty four hours to visit my daughter in Seattle and I want to allow myself space to do justice (ha!) to the next part of that series: how to live an ecologically just life. For today, I’d like to share about liminal spaces.
The first house I ever loved was a little green arts and crafts cottage in an urban neighborhood. We moved in to that house when my middle daughter was thirteen months old and we broke that same girl’s heart when we moved out ten years later. Since then, I don’t think I’ve let myself love a house.
Once we broke the seal and left that place, our homes became about function. We moved to our current house (at my request) in order to be closer to our girls’ schools. It did make our lives easier, but I’ve always seen this house as a means to an end. It has allowed us to link our lives more closely with our daughters and their friends. It enabled me to serve on vestry at our church because I lived much closer. It gave us room to host an exchange student who became our fourth daughter. As our girls have moved out and moved on, the space here has allowed us to be hosts for friends and family from out of town.
Once again, I stand on the cusp— of ending our time here, of beginning our life in a new home. That’s exciting and sad and overwhelming and right now I stand in what feels like the hardest place: the in between.
The in between looks like piles of clothes to be donated. It looks like empty boxes in one bedroom and packed boxes in another. It looks like shelves that are gradually emptying into boxes - perhaps one of the saddest sights ever.
The in between looks like ending new traditions with community near our current home and dreaming of who will be our community this time next year. It looks like packing boxes alone and sorting closets alone and weekly trips to Goodwill and McKay’s.
The in between looks like freshly painted rooms, plans for a new kitchen and learning to garden. It looks like help from unexpected places like the previous owner of our home. It looks like gravel in the country instead of pavement in the suburbs.
The in between in my life is not just about moving. It’s also about the work that I do and the life that I live. For nearly ten years I ran a homeschool tutorial. When that time drew to a close, I began my own spiritual direction practice. While I firmly believe each of those things were right in their own season, change is hard. I miss having dozens of children to love. I miss working alongside adults who love their subjects and middle schoolers. I miss watching children and families grow up and move on.
My work now does give me new people to love as I walk with them in spiritual direction. And there’s a capacity for depth of love in spiritual direction that is different that I experienced in running a tutorial.
I guess what I’m trying to put into words is the ache of the endings mingled with the joy of the beginnings. Maybe you know what I’m talking about?
Whether you are in a season of ending, beginning or in between, may you have the grace and space to feel all of your feelings. May you weep for the things gone by. May you welcome the new with a joyful smile. May you hold the tension of the in between with hands that support your own.
Book Corner:
What I’ve Been Reading Lately
via audiobook:
Becoming a Gardener by Catie Morran
I’m trying to listen to some gardening books to inspire me before my upcoming move. Reading the description of this book on Goodreads, it sounds like it was designed to be read, not listened to. Even so, I enjoyed it and did take away my own ideas for what I want my garden to be or not be. It’s not the most well organized book narratively. It was hard to follow the author’s life timeline. But I was more interested in her journey as a gardener and it delivered in that regard.
via eBook:
Magical Midlife Love by KF Breene
This series continues to be just what I need and this one was extra satisfying after the slow burn of the first three books.
via library loan:
Expiration Dates by Rebecca Serle
Expiration Dates has an interesting premise: Daphne gets a note telling her the expiration date of each relationship as she begins it. Until she gets a note with a name and no expiration attached. I liked the twists in this book and that the final scene was open-ended. Was it a life changing book? No. Was it entertaining and a quick read? Yes, and that was more than enough for me right now.
The Husbands by Holly Gramazio
This delightful book features an attic that sends down a new husband every time Lauren sends one up. I can’t convey the humor and gentle pondering this book brings, so you’ll just have to read it.
With love for you and whatever stage you find yourself in this week.
Love,
Shannon
I look forward to your adventures in this new place and coming observations on the gardening! am in a chapter of my life that asks for me to tend an old farm house on an acre and a half. As I engage in the never ending activities of our second spring on this property, I am enjoying listening to Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" as I work. It's been years since I read it and it is a fun revisit for me in this moment.